My mom called this morming after joining my sister Linsey at her ultrasound appointment to tell me the sex of the baby. I won't post that now though because she hasn't put it on her blog yet. I don't want to steal her thunder or anything. Feel free to bug her now.
Not half an hour later, I had Clara loaded up and we were at Babies R Us looking for baby stuff. I did the same thing when I found out what Tanya was having a couple of weeks ago. I realized on the way to the store that I was living vicariously through them. If things had turned out differently, I would be shopping for precious baby things for my own baby right now.
And then after the intial excitement of finding out the sex of her baby comes the inevitable realization that I would've been able to find out the sex of mine soon since I was only a few weeks behind Linsey. I'm sure the coming months will be filled with moments like these especially as I get closer to December.
I'm already preparing Chris for the possibility of me being a blubbering mess come Christmas time. Linsey and Tanya's sweet babies will be here, my due date will have passed and we'll be without our baby at Christmas. I'm not sure how I'll handle it. We've even talked about doing a very non-traditional Christmas to perhaps keep my mind off of things, like maybe a vacation somewhere.
Please don't take this post as anything other than me writing down my thoughts. I don't want anyone to think they can't talk and be excited about their baby around me because it might make me sad. It doesn't overwhelm me with sadness; it's just a small reminder of my loss. I tend to not think about the miscarriage very often, but of course I'm going to be reminded of it sometimes and that's ok.
Monday, June 02, 2008
Living Vicariously
Posted by Kelsey at 10:11 PM
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4 comments:
Kelsey, my heart aches for you right now. That was such an open and sincere post. I'm so glad you are able to put your feelings into words. I would think that it will help in the healing process. I hope you can find just the right thing to do next Christmas. We (Dan and I) love you.
Kelsey, unfortunately I know exactly what you mean. Last November was hard for me. I was happy that this pregnancy was turning out good, but I still kept thinking I was already suppose to have a little one. All the baby Christmas clothing really got to me for some reason. Also hard on me was around the time I found out I was pregnant with the baby I miscarried (which was the same day my grandmother passed away), and the time around when I actually did miscarry (shortly after Easter). Just wanted you to know you're not alone.
Lisa
I have never suffered the loss of loosing a baby, but I have lost alot of loved ones. Take that trip! Anything to make it a little easier the first time around is great. In November it will 10yrs since the lost of my parents. Believe me I will be running around like crazy.
Claudia
You guys are still in our thoughts and prayers. I know that the pain of loss is so tough to get over.
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