You Wanna Know What I Think?

I'm going to start writing posts offering my take on different topics, for whatever it's worth. Now, I'm normally not a very opinionated individual. Mind you, I do have opinions on a variety of subjects, I just don't normally voice them to the masses. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm a fairly quiet, introverted person and I don't like to be the center of attention. So, this will be my version of telling the world what I think. After I run out of things to talk about, I'll have to go read something to get more ideas, so that's good too!

Also, I believe that having something to write about other than my child's poop will do me good. I never used to make spelling or grammar mistakes and I never, ever confused words like they're, there, and their. Or hear and here. Or to and too. That's always been one of my pet peeves and now I'm doing it! The horror! (Case in point: I just had to correct the word grammar. I had written grammer.) Since I started writing this blog, I see how my noggin has suffered from birthing a child and then staying at home all day with said child.

First topic - Childbirth

I don't know exactly why I decided that I wanted to have a natural childbirth. I think, in part, it was because of the journey I took to get to that delivery room. We tried for many years to get pregnant. Most times I dealt with it pretty well, but I definitely hit some low points along the way. It's pretty tough to have a monthly reminder (for seven years in a row) that something must be wrong with you. Even when we weren't "trying", it was still hard.

When I finally started to entertain the idea of adoption, the thing that I was most sad about wasn't that I would be raising a child that wasn't biologically mine. The hard part for me was coming to tems with never being able to experience pregnancy and birth. It's such a rite of passage for a woman and I know it sounds silly, but I always wanted to have a big fat belly. I've always loved pregnant women; they make me smile.

Our prayers were finally answered in March of 05 when we found out, much to our disbelief, that I was pregnant! I was given this unexpected gift and I just felt this need to experience everything, the good and the bad, and to do it naturally, letting my body take the lead.

I feel like birth is a beautiful, natural occurance that shouldn't be feared, not some medical procedure that has to be rushed into only to cause more complications. I do not understand why so many women want inductions. I mean, I know by the end, you just want that baby out, but if your baby's not ready, he's not ready. In most cases, he'll come when he's ready. I'm all for inductions if you go way past your due date, but I've heard of doctors scheduling inductions way before a woman is due for convenience I suppose. What is up with that?

I never wanted an induction. Mine actually turned out to be an augmentation, meaning it was kind of helped along. I didn't even want that though. My doctor sent me over to the hospital after my 38 week appointment because I was 4 cm and 90% effaced. I wasn't technically in labor and I probably wouldn't have made it more than a couple of days before I had her on my own, but I still really get upset that he sent me over. I didn't know what was going on; I had been having braxton hicks since 20 weeks, so I just assumed I wasn't feeling the contractions when in fact, I hadn't started real labor. I ended up not needing pitocin and she was pretty much ready to come, but it still ticks me off that my doctor didn't just let things happen on their own.

When I got to the hospital, I was already at a 4, so the nurses automatically ask me if I want my epidural. What? I'm not in any pain whatsoever. Why would I want an epidural when I have no idea what a "real" contraction even feels like? They would come in every few minutes for the next 5 hours asking me if I was ready for the epidural or something in my IV to relax me. I explained that I wanted to go as long as possible without anything and really hoped to do it naturally. Did this stop them? Noooooo. I finally gave in to get them to shut up and allowed the nurse to give me a quarter dose of stadol. (I didn't want any more because I didn't want to be loopy).

The stadol did in fact make me feel a little drunk and allowed me to relax for a short while, but didn't take the pain away. I did give birth without an epidural, but the doctor did a pudental block (a local by both sides of her head) right before she crowned, mostly for stitches if I needed them. I was proud of myself for doing it without the epidural, but feel a little sad that I had the stadol. I'm not as sad about the pudental block. That was the pain that I was most not looking forward to. I just feel like they forced me into something that I really didn't want and they knew I didn't want when I was at my weakest. I wish they could've cheered me on instead.

For that reason, for our next child (God willing), I am seriously entertaining the idea of a birthing center using a midwife. I actually would even consider a home birth, but I don't think Chris is up for that. He's too worried about the mattress and carpet; he witnessed the mess that ensued when Clara sprung forth from my loins.

Birthing centers have a comfortable, home-like feel to them. There's not a bunch of machines and fetal monitors and whatnot. You can walk around and eat and sit in the bathtub. You can even have the baby in the tub if you want. You can labor in any position that you feel comfortable in. Those attending the birth are there to make you comfortable and to support your decision for a natural birth all the while reinforcing that you can do it. You can have a few people present or you can have your whole family there for the birth. It's all about following your instints as a mother, not following hospital protocol. We couldn't even videotape or take pictures of Clara's birth because the hospital was too worried about being sued. I would love to have the ability to relive those moments, because it's all a blur to me. I was a little sidetracked.

I am of the opinion that doctors are great for a pregnancy with problems and they're great if an emergency arises during birth, but not all that necessary the rest of the time. I mean, seriously, my doctor came in and out a few times to check on me and then got there just in time to catch her, but I have a feeling Chris could've done the catching if necessary. Now, please don't think that I am judging you if you had an epidural or a c-section or an induction, because I'm not. I could've easily ended up with an induction had my labor not started on its own, that could've stalled and required a c-section, but I was very lucky. I'm glad that all of these things are available in case they're truly necessary. I'm simply saying that I believe the overuse of such things is a big problem in our country, one that's perpetuated by hospitals that have successfully made a big business out of birth.

So, please don't be mean to me if you leave a comment on my blog :)